25 December 2006
I hereby proclaim that everything contained within the boundaries of my parcel of land, including the trees, the air, the ground (all the way to the center of the earth), the improvements such as my 3300 square foot palace and it's out-house.. are the property of Altinbasakistan. I declare myself to be it's lifelong leader, and henceforth I am to be addressed as "Murat Aga" in person (the g is silent) and "Altinbasak-basi" when I'm not present. All books which I am not yet in possession of are hereby banned, until I buy them. All citizens of Altinbasakistan are blessed with the privilege of receiving free gas, electricity, water, AND food. Monuments, portraits, t-shirts and coffee mugs which honor me will adorn many walls and cupboards of many rooms within the presidential palace of Altinbasakistan. The days of the week and the months of the year are subject to re-naming without advance notice, at my discretion and per my mood. Facial hair, cigarette smoking and especially whining are prohibited, punishable by my gratuitous sarcasm and merciless humiliation. The population of our kingdom now stands at 3 (per 2003 census) and our total land area is 18,500 square feet. We share borders with an old railroad bed, the honorable Wolfe family, and the couple next door who we never talk to. Our infrastructure is technologically advanced and includes such modernities as copper plumbing, steam heat, wireless internet, 110 volt electric power (grounded), pvc waste lines, cable television (with DVR capability) and one telephone line (unlisted). The national language is Turco-Amerikan and the national religion is Assimilationist Muslim (all faiths are welcome to visit Altinbasakistan). Our defenses consist of a baseball bat, golf club and assorted kitchen knives. Visas are not required unless you are an enemy of the Turkish Republic, and they are granted on a discretionary basis. Our literacy rate is 66.6% and improving. The national sport of Altinbasakistan is bicycling. Duh!
Posted by IMA at 12/25/2006