So we returned home last night at 1:00 in the morning. Visiting with my sister Elif and her boyfriend Steve was a welcome respite from the melancholy following the departure of Ebru's father at JFK... It was an emotional goodbye, and afterwards, Ebru and I were both extremely irritable and sensitive towards eachother, like two Siamese fighting fish...
Love prevails, but the melancholy has hung over us all day long like a threatening rain cloud.. even though it was bright and sunny all day. Temperatures are in the teens, and that's kind of a buzz-kill as well..
Tuesday night I had a weird dream... I'm in a high school library, actually it's one which I'll actually be remodeling in January.. Crawling all over the library are these robotic looking insects.. they're the size of my hand. No one seems to notice them but me. They're extremely simple looking- like a few white lollipop sticks connected at the joints with red gumballs.. Kind of like this >--<
Wednesday night in another dream, I am talking to someone, describing something to them... It isn't until the end of this dream, after I open my eyes that I realize: I was describing last night's dream to someone in this night's dream.
My most recurrent dream is of piloting an airliner, trying to land it safely, but always managing to stike a tower, power lines, or a bridge or something. The plane always ends up smacking the earth and disintegrating, and I always find myself miraculously thrown from the plane with just some cuts and bruises... I'm more or less convinced that I will draw my last breath while traveling towards earth at 1000 miles an hour.
My worst nightmare is being in a jet at 35,000 feet, middle of the Arctic or Atlantic, pitch black night sky, and the plane suddenly disintegrates.. I am not injured, nor do I die, but instead I survive the event and take a 30,000 free-fall in the darkness of -50 degree temperatures, down to the pitch black, icy ocean below.. Air travel terrifies me.
Speaking of nightmares, it's been a while since my last episode of sleep paralysis, in spite of my recent off-the-chart stress level. People think it's some kind of supernatural event.. it's not. Sleep paralysis is a chemical imbalance in the brain. There's a hormone that's released when you sleep- it paralyzes you so that you don't hurt yourself while sleeping. People with the disorder have episodes where the brain is trying to wake up (usually after a bad dream), but the hormone in charge of curbing the voice and motor functions, is still flowing, giving the sensation of paralysis, even when you are fully awake and conscious. In Turkey I believe it's called 'bastirik'. Very common among pregnant women and postpartum moms...
Reminds me of a story my mother often tells me about. She awakens from a bad episode of sleep paralysis, really bad.. I am only two or three years old at the time. When she opens her eyes, she notices something standing in the doorway of her bedroom.. It's a tall dark being of some sort with a hood and red eyes, and whatever other frightening features you can possibly imagine. Just standing there, gazing at her, one arm extended with an elbow leaning against the door frame. None other than yours truly in his pajamas scampers under it's arm and into the room as if there's nothing there. I guess I climb into bed and hug my mother before the thing finally disappears..
My mother tells another story about a time when she went to a fortune teller or something. I was described in detail by this total stranger, to my bewildered mother... She also told her that everything I ever touched would turn to gold. For a long while after hearing this, I actually believed it. Many hundreds of failures later, I believe my mom was sold a bill of goods on that one.