31 October 2008

FW: Office dares

Office dares

FYI, For those trying to just hold on to whatever shred of sanity and dignity you have left in your office, keep on keeping on with these innocent office dares to make your skull-crushingly dull and boring work hours a little more lively....

ONE-POINT DARES


1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

TWO POINT DARES


1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES


1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts. And if that wasn't enough for you...

How to keep a healthy level of insanity:


1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your waste basket on your desk and label it "IN".
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7) Don't use any punctuation
8) Use, too...much; punctuation!
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....


19) Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like  this
 

28 October 2008

Like a scene from a Mel Brooks movie

Is that an AK-47 or are you just happy to see me?
Turkish gendarme soldiers prepare to change shifts with their colleagues as they walk in front of Silivri prison, some 70 km (43 miles) west of Istanbul, during the trial of the shadowy-right wing group Ergenekon October 27, 2008. The trial of Ergenekon resumed with 86 defendants, including former army officers, politicians, and journalists, accused of plotting assassinations and bombings to spark a military coup against the government. REUTERS/Osman Orsal

26 October 2008

Turks are banned from Blogger!

..unless you're outside of Turkey, as I am. Well. This is nothing short of a complete embarrassment. Talk about insulting Turkishness.. This is a shameful insult to the entire population of Turkey. You will go to jail for expressing a low opinion of a dead guy, but removing the freedom of 80 million people to access Blogger? That's fine and dandy, sweet as candy.. Which century is this? Who elected the officials who are responsible? I hate to say it, but there's a saying that goes around a lot during election season.. something like "You get the government you deserve".. Yes that's a jab at the Turks who elected, or enabled, or made it possible, for the dipshits in Ankara to occupy their positions of power. Get rid of these bad eggs!

22 October 2008

My newest blog is taking off

I introduced it last month, and it has been a strong October so far with already 50 posts in the last three weeks. Yeah that makes Amerikan Turk kind of lame in comparison, I know.. But to post messages to Scamlisting , all I have to do is forward e-mails to the blog. It takes about 10 seconds to process a new scam e-mail. What accumulates is a lot of easy blog posts and a database of Google-sensitive keywords which are searched whenever others receive the same message as I've received. A pretty clever waste of time on my part, eh? I sincerely hope that Google searchers (potential victims) become informed and thusly avoid such scams, but I also secretly hope that Scamlisting gets so much traffic that I can quit my day job and live off the Google Adsense income. I can dream, can't I?

18 October 2008

Un-believe-able Re-tarded-ness: CA mom takes 12 year old daugher to fight


When it becomes evident that her kid is on the losing end of the deal, Shauna Foster quickly intervenes. After all, how will she explain her daughter's bloody, bruised and puffy face to other responsible adults and authorities? I'm astonished that California has white trash just like we do here on the East Coast.

16 October 2008

LikeaBike Jumpers are in stock- HOT PINK!

I'm receiving a shipment of them today or tomorrow. There's a new color in town, too! HOT PINK. And just in time for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
This Sunday morning at Roger Williams Park: MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer
Millwork One has a team of participants. Please donate to the cause if you can spare a few dollars. I know that I will.
If you don't already know, these little bikes are designed for ages two to five, built from aluminum, weigh only 7-1/2 pounds, use Schwalbe tires, have rear suspension, designed for age 2 to 5, and are completely bullet proof. (Leave it in the yard in the rain overnight? no worries)
My wife and I run a small home based business selling these bikes, under the banner of WeeBikeShop.com. We also co-sponsor my bike race team- Millwork One Racing and we fund a lot of the team benefits such as apparel, entry fees and prize matching. It was always my hope that my largest pool of customers would be bike racers who appreciate a high end starter bike for toddlers. If you're in the market for a LikeaBike- any model, please consider buying from a fellow racer who also supports bike racing with sponsorship dollars.
To do our part in the cancer war, (we lost my father to lung cancer this past May) I would like to offer all of the local racers here in New England a special deal. Since I normally ship these bikes for free all over the US, I will extend a $15 contribution to the cancer charity of your choice, if you buy a LikeaBike Jumper from me between now and December 31st. There is one caveat: The bike will be delivered in person, within Rhode Island state lines, at a location that is mutually convenient, such as a cross race, training ride meet-up, or at Providence Bike. The $15 I usually pay for shipping the bike goes to charity, in your name. A pretty good deal I think, and very green since we avoid using UPS. Please reach out to me if you're interested: reiscotools@yahoo.com
To learn more about these amazing bikes, please use the https://www.weebikeshop.com/ link, where you will be linked to our storefront on Ebay, showing you our prices and selection. We do sell many bikes outside of Ebay, so do not feel compelled to transact there. Reach out to me by e-mail and if you need to pay using credit, I can send you an invoice through Paypal. Many thanks for reading.

07 October 2008

Debating 101: McCain and Obama both get a D

Either that, or they need to call it something else. The questions seemed to be nothing more than bait- each candidate would bite for a few sentences, but never swallow it, never satisfy the issue set forth. "Answer the question or, at the very least, make a relevant point!", is probably what Tom Brokaw was saying to himself behind those tired little eyes.
Neither candidate impresses me. Is this the best of the best? or the best who want to be there?
I'm reminded of a scene in the movie Gladiator, where the emperor offers leadership of the kingdom to General Maximus, upon his death. Maximus says "With all my heart, no", to which the Emperor replies "That is why, it must be you!".
I believe there are thousands of Maximuses out there, who are qualified and more, but who lack the means and the desire to get to the top.
I guess the moral of the story is: let's not confuse those who want to be leaders, with those who should be leaders.
One's too young. The other's too old. One's too inexperienced. The other has a name that's too damn close to BinLaden. One's black. One's a chick who is being referred to by many blind and hairy palmed teens as a "MILF". They all have great friggin teeth though.. I want that dental plan, please. Who will do the job better? It's a coin-flip. One of them sucks less than the other one sucks, but not by much. It will boil down to the number of "pity votes" McCain gets. Americans love an underdog, especially when it's his last chance. They'll reason that Obama has decades in which to win the position and prove himself. They'll promise to vote for him later, 4 or 8 years from now. They'll vote for McCain now because no one wants to see an old man cry, and there's a more than a little bit of feel-good satisfaction in helping an old man to win what he's fighting for against a young and wily opponent.

02 October 2008

On a long enough timeline..

..Every airplane will inevitably suffer a catastrophic equipment failure and crash. This can't be proven wrong. Don't bother trying.

01 October 2008

Stash Your Cash: Good Advice, at any time

Full Article by Brett Arends

The amount wiped off the American stock market on Monday alone was $1.3 trillion. That's almost twice as much as the theoretical price tag on the bill.
Worldwide, the damage is much bigger.
Ordinary Americans, through their mutual funds, lost at least $400 billion. That's real value wiped off 401ks, IRAs, and 529 plans. That's retirements delayed, and college plans re-evaluated.
And again, that's just the losses suffered on Monday.


Checking one of my 401K accounts last night, I am astonished that after Monday's losses, I'm down 27% year to date. Is it time to cut back my contributions? (I'm at 15%) or double them up? I'm thinking stay the course, but it's tempting to transfer all my holdings to cash on the next big rally and take a breather, and temporarily re-allocate future contributions to cash or bond funds.

Disorderly Sleep

I have not slept through the night, uninterrupted, in months. Tonight's no exception. Why the fuck do I open my eyes every two hours?