America's #1 Balance Bike Destination

America's #1 Balance Bike Destination
America's #1 Balance Bike Destination

17 November 2008

My Dream In Hell

from somewhere in Brooklyn, from Elif Altinbasak:
I just woke from a dream where I was in hell. I died and didn't realize it until I noticed I couldn't get off the 2 train. It kept skipping my stop and going to faraway stations that didn't lead outside at all. The train traveled on both indoor and outdoor platforms. When outside, the sun shone into the graffiti stained windows casting shadows on lifeless looking men. Mouths agape, staring at the floor, they sat still looking like they gave up. Ironically the 2 train is the red line.

I kept saying "I died? I died?" I was confused as to why I was in hell when I didn't even believe in it. In one station I was finally able to exit. I was standing on a hill with shit soaked grass and a river of piss beside it. There was the tree of life, dead, no leaves with grass poking through slushy poo. Nearby laid a very old, overweight and lazy snake. I kicked it and it barely stirred.

I was brought to a warehouse. In the warehouse was the lobby to the building that I designed and my former client taking inventory. For some reason it was stuffed with furniture, some of which I recognized from other places I have decorated before. The Canterbury Table was there, the dining table I put in a ski house last year. It's huge with dark brown wood and gorgeous hand carved details. But it wasn't being used, just stood there with no chairs around it.

Then I saw the giant mud and shit oozing monster, like a 2 story Jabba the Hutt. Puddles were pooling around it. Suddenly a gel-like clear substance poured from it's belly button. This guy runs up and says, "Oh Yes, finally I can take a bath!" I told him he's disgusting, but then he told me I should get used to it, this is the cleanest substance in the land and the only way to get clean. I told him I'd rather just let my own filth accumulate before stooping so low. He said, "Suit yourself!"

Strangely I saw Murat, my older brother there. He was on a bike putting on his helmet. Non expressive and stone faced, he seemed to care little for the fact that either he or I was there. I'm not sure but it was understood that he was going back. He found a loophole, we're Muslim. Before taking off he pointed me to the office inside.

The office was gloomy and overcrowded with piles of paper and noisy typewriters. I went to a messy desk and asked how I go back. They said that it would be a while since I committed so many sins. I said I didn't believe in hell and shouldn't even be there! "Well," they said, "as a Christian your sins will take longer to absolve" Then crying I said, "But then you've made a mistake!! I was raised Muslim for one, and two I don't believe in hell anymore!" I was balling my eyes out. The clerk disagreed until a coworker came by and said, "She's right. It's according to beliefs. If she's Muslim then her sentence is shorter than a Christian's. If she doesn't believe in hell then she shouldn't even be here." So it was understood that they made a mistake and I was going back. Then I woke up.


Murat Altinbasak said...

Okay time to move on... Your first blog post is already collecting dust. NEEEXT!
One of the first mistakes new bloggers make is wasting some of their best work in the early days, when the audience is not yet established or engaged. Your challenge in the first few weeks is to transform expendible, uninteresting news and trivia into interesting and engaging blog posts. Limit 2-4 sentences, but with wording that makes a portion of your audience's skin crawl. Yes indeed, I fail at this objective most of the time, but I try.
Aim for nothing and you will hit it every time.

realelif said...

so any traffic? can you tell if anyone read it?

Murat Altinbasak said...

No idea. You could poke around in the Sitemeter if you want, see what you find.. I'd have to go into my Google Analytics account to see the real activity.
Compared to the last two Mondays, we have about 60 more visits yesterday, around 200 total that is.. That's a good sign I guess, but it's mostly Google driven traffic.

Anonymous said...

I read it!

And I thought it was nighmarish!


Murat Altinbasak said...

Welcome to my nightmare!
Alice Cooper?

Finduk O. said...

I read it too, it was pretty cute!

realelif said...

Ali, our younger brother reminded me that the office in the story is from Beetlejuice. I think he may be right.

matt said...

freaky dream! but I can't believe you didn't want to take a bath in the glandular secretion. ;)

realelif said...

LOL! "glandular secretion", I like that!